Apocalypse Then
by Milo
Summary: The OKAY to Cry Corral begins its second year. The horror...the horror...
1. Introduction

I was just putting the finishing touches on this story when I chanced to see the evening news. The original Apocalypse Now was being re-released. The "Redux" version is now 3 plus hours in size, due to the addition of scenes deleted from the original.

When the move came out on DVD, I rented it. My advise. Don't see it. The additional scenes really did belong on the cutting room floor. The extra stuff muddied the characters, and diluted the thrust and power of the story.

So I bring you Apocalypse Then, a Daria crossover! Based on the original movie, and reformatted for ff.net. I also used the opportunity to clean up the dialog a little bit. If you want to go to a link and read the story and see the "movie poster" then go to:

http://www.goes.com/~milo/athen.htm 

This story begins a full year after "Is it Fall Yet", and features a revisit to the "OKAY to Cry Corral".

My version of the film, in contrast to the re-release, is only 22 minutes long, the length of a normal Daria episode. I even cut it up into three sections just like the show. Feel free to insert whatever mental commericals you see fit in the blanks.

So, without further ado, we follow Anthony DeMartino to the "OKAY to Cry Corral" and to Vietnam and back in Apocalypse Then!


	2. Okay to Cry Corral. Redux

Apocalypse Then! 

OKAY to Cry Corral. Redux.

Our story takes place one year after "Is it Fall Yet". The scene opens just at dusk. The camera is moving just inches over the surface of a lake. Small choppy waves roughen the surface. As we continue towards the shore, we see a sylvan scene of trees and distant mountains. We move on, and pass canoes and a small motorboat (a Boston Whaler. You've seen them, with the wheel and controls in the center of the boat) clearly marked as a park rangers boat. The camera continues to move, past crude wooden docks, and toward even cruder cabins. One cabin is larger than the others. It has a large porch. Lights are on inside. The camera moves to the front door.

Inside, there is an assembly of children, all talking and throwing toys and creating a general atmosphere of chaos. There is a podium near the back of the room. Here stands Mr. O'Neill. He holds a small whistle to his lips and blows. It makes a timid sound, but the children become silent. Mr. O'Neill speaks.

Mr. O'Neill: (smiling) Hello, campers! And welcome to our second year of the "OKAY to Cry Corral"! Last years camp was a rousing success! We have so many new campers this year! 

Mr. O'Neill: With so many new happy campers, we're going to need a lot of help this year. So first, I want to introduce someone some of you will remember from last year! Mr. DeMartino!

Many of the children do remember him! Cries of "Uncle Anthony!" are called out from the audience. Mr. DeMartino appears on at the podium. He smiles, and looked relaxed.

Mr. DeMartino: Thank you! It's GOOD to be BACK here again! Last year, we ALL worked together, and had FUN! I look forward to SPENDING time with you BRIGHT, EAGER to LEARN young PEOPLE!!!

The kids cheer! Mr. O'Neill takes the podium again.

Mr. O'Neill: Thank you, Anthony! My, such enthusiasm! Now, to introduce your other councilors! First, a familiar face from last year. Daria Morgendorffer!

A few scattered claps. Link is in the audience, and claps the loudest. Daria waves halfheartedly!

Mr. DeMartino: Good to be WORKING with YOU again, Daria.

Mr. O'Neill: Also, this year, we have an accomplished artist with us, in charge of our "arts and crafts" program! Campers, give a rousing "OKCC" hello to Jane Lane.

Jane approaches the podium. Some scattered applause.

Jane: (deadpan) Greetings campers! I'm really looking forward to gluing pop cycle sticks together with you guys this week!   
  
The next part of her speech has more emotion!  
  
Jane: (upbeat) I can honestly say this experience will enrich me more than it will you!

Jane steps back and stands next to Daria. Over scattered applause she speaks.  
Jane: You owe me 100 George W's, Morgendorffer!

Daria: Don't call money by that any more. The thought of one hundred "Dubya's" is overwhelmingly depressing.

Jane: Fine. Smackers. Bucks. Samolians. Just cough it up. A week worth of moral support is expensive!

Daria slips several large denomination bills to Jane. Mr. D. walks over and welcomes Jane.  
  
Mr. DeMartino: It's GOOD to HAVE another BRIGHT and TALENTED councilor with us this year, Jane!  
  
Mr. O'Neill continues his introductions.

Mr. O'Neill: Last year, many of you said that there were not enough different kinds of activities for you all. Well, we got plenty for you this year! Now, this is just for you girls! This year we will have a special program for campers of the "fairer" sex. Let me introduce the councilor in charge. Ms. Janet Barch!

Mr. D. looks surprised and shocked as Janet Barch enters the room from a side door. She passes Mr. D and speaks.

Ms. Barch: Well hello, Anthony!

Mr. DeMartino: FANCY meeting YOU here, JANET!

Mr. DeMartino's composed and happy expression is melting away rapidly.

Ms. Barch walks up behind Mr. O'Neill, and pinches him on the ass.

Mr. O'Neill: (surprised) JANET! I mean, Ms. Barch!

He steps aside, and Janet Barch takes the podium.

Ms. Barch: Hello female campers! Our "women only" self-defense class will commence tomorrow. Calisthenics begin promptly at 0730! Our first class is 1000 hours. You will all be there, dressed and ready to workout, RIGHT!

A few scattered girls peep, "yes".

Ms. Barch: I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!

All the female campers scream.

Female Campers: YES, MS. BARCH!!!

Ms. Barch leaves the podium, and stands next to Mr. D. Mr. O'Neill steps forward again.

Mr. O'Neill: Thank you! And we haven't forgotten you guys! Our boy's recreation will be lead by members of the Lawndale Lions football team!

Joey, Jeffie and Jamie step out of the back room. They scan the councilors, and zoom in on Daria. Immediately, a fight starts.

Jeffie: You said Quinn would be here!

Jamie: I saw the signup sheet for camp. It said Q. Morgendorffer!

Jeffie: Then you didn't read it right! That's her sister!

Jeffie shoves Jamie roughly. Jamie proclaims...

Jamie: It looked like a Q! I swear!

The three "J's" begin to fight amongst themselves. Over the din, Mr. O'Neill continues.

Mr. O'Neill: And, in charge of our football camp, we have none other the star quarterback of the Lions, Kevin Thompson!

The campers cheer! Kevin comes in, holds up a football, and the crowd goes wild! He stands next to a very upset Mr. DeMartino.

Kevin: Hey, Mr. D! You signed my yearbook with "This is the last time I have to see your face, Kevin". Guess you were wrong!

Mr. O'Neill calms the exuberant campers down.

Mr. O'Neill: We have a lot of fun activities this year. But don't forget. The theme of this camp is its OK to show your emotions! If you're happy, smile! If you're sad, then it's "OKAY to Cry!"

A pregnant pause. Then Daria speaks.

Daria: As Mr. DeMartino will now demonstrate.

The camera zooms on Mr. DeMartino's face. He is crying in frustration! His eyes open and look at Kevin standing by his side. He clamps them shut again.

Mr. DeMartino: Oh, God! 

  
Daria and Jane are in a cabin. Outside, it is dark. Behind them, young female campers are calling out "tops" for the bunk beds, unpacking and just creating a general background commotion. Near the front of the cabin are two regular beds. Daria is making up hers. Jane is struggling to pull a bag though the front door.

Jane: Daria, give me a hand here!

Daria grabs a cloth handle on the bag and helps Jane pull it over by her bed. There are already several large bags there. Daria releases her end of the sack. It lands with a metallic clank.

Daria: What is all this?

Jane: Art supplies! I brought my own!

Daria: You were lying about looking forward to gluing pop-cycle sticks together.

Jane: Jane Lane does not glue pop-cycle sticks! Look here!

Jane pulls from a bag a huge femur bone.

Daria: Been to the butcher shop, I see.

Jane: For a project of this scale, I went to the slaughterhouse! You can get intact bones there! Like this beauty!

Daria reaches into a bag, and pulls out rubber tubing, glass tubes, hypodermic syringes without the needles, and other assorted medical supplies.

Jane: Hospital just threw that stuff out, just because it expired! Can you believe it? (Jane reaches into a bag) Look, a blood warmer!

Daria kicks the bag she was dragging. It clanks again.

Daria: And this is...

Jane: Car parts, bits of old appliances, parts from industrial machines. I found a junkyard. It's only a mile or so away from here.

Daria: And the theme of your art class will be...

Jane: Neo Industrial Post Mortem Modern Auto Part Found Art!

There is a pause. Daria speaks.

Daria: If you wanted to do art, you could have gone back to art camp.

Jane: No thanks. I can call the shots here. And keep my virtue! 

Daria: Well, I'm glad to have you here. I didn't know about Mr. O'Neill's cast of thousands...

Jane: It looks like he's learned to delegate! With all these extra councilors, I wonder what he will be doing?

Only a second passes before that answer is revealed. A loudspeaker is crudely mounted on the wall of the cabin. It crackles to life...

Mr. O'Neill: (distorted by speaker) Good Evening, fellow campers! I trust you've all settled in, and are ready to rest, in preparation for a glorious day tomorrow.

A camera shot outside. In the middle of the compound is a phone pole, with outdoor speakers mounted on it. Mr. O'Neill's voice booms from this source too.

Mr. O'Neill: (distorted) I have always found it important to take a moment out, every morning and every night, to reflect on past activities, and contemplate the future.

Now the camera is inside the main lodge. Mr. O'Neill is at a microphone, in front of an amplifier. In his hand he holds an open book.

Mr. O'Neill: (into microphone) Every night, and every morning, I will read a passage from my favorite book, "Affirmations"! 

Mr. O'Neill begins to read. His voice booms across the camp.

Mr. O'Neill: (distorted through loudspeakers) To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet. 

Return to a shot of the exterior of the camp. O'Neill's voices echoes through the trees.

Mr. O'Neill: (distorted) To make all your friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them. To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. 

We see a shot of the inside of Daria and Jane's cabin. All the campers stand still in their spots for a moment.

Mr. O'Neill: (distorted) To think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best. To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

The younger campers climb in their beds. They pull out Walkman's and CD players, and put the earphones on their heads. Jane does the same. Daria walks over to her bed, and falls backwards into it.

Daria: This is going to be a long week.

Throughout the camp, Mr. O'Neill's voice drones on...

* * *

  
The next scene is the exterior of the camp. The cabins are seen in the background. It is bright and sunny, so apparently it is the following day.

Daria is walking along the campgrounds, clipboard in hand, wearing her "OKAY to Cry" tee shirt and jeans. As she walks, Link comes up from behind her.

Link: Hey, Daria.

Daria: Oh. Hello Link. 

Link: What did you think of this mornings "Affirmation"?

Daria: Disraeli with your breakfast does not make camp food taste any better.

Link: Agreed. 

They walk by Ms. Barch and her students. Janet is dressed in a karate outfit (gi) and a black belt. She has a human shaped dummy suspended from a post on the ground. All the female campers are seated on the ground, in shorts and tee shirts, watching her.

Ms. Barch: There is no better way of dealing with an attacker, especially a male one, than using an old fashioned knee kick.

Walking over to the dummy, she grabs it by the shoulders, and drives her knee between its "legs". Link winces empatheticly.

In front of them, the Lawndale Lions show off their stuff. Kevin and two boys stand together, with footballs in hand. Kevin throws his, and mimicking him, the two boys throw theirs.

Running for the catch is Jeffie. Two boys run along side him. They all slow down, and turn to catch the ball. Jeffie gets hit in the head by the ball, and is thrown backwards. The two boys are also hit in the head. All three lie sprawled out on the grass.

Behind Daria and Link appears Mr. DeMartino, running at a trot. Behind him are a group of campers. The campers call out "Go, Uncle Anthony!"

Mr. DeMartino: OK! Everybody in swimsuits! We meet at the dock in five minutes!

Link: We have some real "cults of personality" forming here.

Daria: And what faction do you plan to align with?

Link: Actually, I'm going to help your friend Jane. I'm going to install motors and a remote control into a statue she's making. Sort of a "Battlebot" made with steer bones. Where are you going?

Daria: I get to sit at the front gate.

Link: Sounds boring.

Daria: It has its perks. I can read, and I'm allowed to shoot anyone who tries to escape.

Link: Cool. See you later.

Link walks off. Daria stops. Off camera, we hear a female voice. It belongs to Ms. Barch.

Ms. Barch: (off camera) Oh, Anthony. Could you come here for a moment? I need the assistance of a big strong man for my next demonstration.

Mr. DeMartino: (off camera) Sure!

* * *

It is dark. Daria lies on her bed in her cabin, wearing only a tee shirt. Over the loudspeakers, Mr. O'Neill's nightly affirmation drones on.

Mr. O'Neill: (distorted through loudspeakers) Be among people and things, among troubles, difficulties and obstacles. Your character develops itself in the stream of life. Life expects you to make progress in reasonable time. That's why they make those grade school chairs so small. 

With Mr. O'Neill droning on in the background, we see shot of Mr. DeMartino, in his cabin lying on his bed. He is holding his hands over his groin, shaking violently and groaning.

Mr. O'Neill: Learn quickly that the setbacks and grief's you endure actually help you in your march forward to success. The world was built to develop your character. 

The camera returns to Daria's cabin. We have a down shot, directly of our heroine.

Mr. O'Neill: (distorted) Well, goodnight campers! Look forward to working and playing with you all again tomorrow!

Daria look relieved. But only briefly. The microphone is still on. Over the speakers, we hear Janet Brach's voice.

Ms. Barch: (distorted, over the speaker) It's about time you finished. You're gonna be playing with me, TONIGHT, skinny!

Mr. O'Neill: (distorted) But, we have to be up...

There is a lot of thumping and bumping coming through the speakers. The sound of a voice going "Hmmmmm" and "if that's what you want". In just moments, groans of ecstasy begin to echo through the campground.

Daria takes a pillow, and holds it over her head. The moans and groans grow louder. She rams the pillow down determinedly over her ears.

* * *

  
It is daytime again. The campers are all assembled inside of the main lodge. Mr. O'Neill is at the podium. Daria, Jane and all the councilors stand just behind him.

Mr. O'Neill: Well campers, tonight we a choice of activities for everyone! Mr. DeMartino will be holding a bonfire and marshmallow roast this evening by the lakeside. 

Mr. O'Neill: Now, I know that some of you won't want to go out in the dark and get all dirty and wet and be bitten by mosquitoes! So, for those of you who choose to stay here, we'll play charades and other parlor games! So, who's with me!

The camera is locked on Mr. O'Neill's face. Off camera is heard the sound of running feet, and chairs being knocked over. As the camera dollies back, we see the room is empty, except for Mr. O'Neill, Daria, Jane and Link. Silence. Then Jane speaks.

Jane: I'm thinking of an object. Two words.

Daria: Horse's ass.

Jane: Damn you, woman!

Daria, Jane and Link walk off screen. Mr. O'Neill's alarm on his watch goes off. He runs in the opposite direction.

Mr. O'Neill: Oh my. Time for my encaenia!

* * *

  
It is dark. By the lakeside, a huge bonfire burns. Campers run around, brandishing hot dogs and marshmallows on sharp sticks. Mr. DeMartino watches from a distance, obviously proud of his idea and the results.

The children are filthy, and loving it. Jamie has a box of face paints on a picnic table. He is painting lines on the children's faces. The kids line up for their turn. Jeffie walks by.

Jeffie: What are you doing?

Jamie: War paint. Like the Indians!

Jeffie: Cool!

Kevin and Joey and some enthusiastic kids throw logs in the huge fire. The flames roar ever higher. On a hill, in the distance, is a fire tower. The scene changes to the top of the tower.

A man inside is looking at a glowing spot near the horizon. He picks up a microphone, and calls into it.

Ranger: Tango Alpha Two. Do you copy? Over.

Radio: Tango Alpha Two copy.

Ranger: It's probably nothing, but there is a huge fire over by the summer camp. Can you fly by and see what it is?

Radio: Roger that.

The ranger cradles the mike. A shadowy figure of a helicopter passes the tower.

Back at the bonfire, the over enthusiastic keepers of the flame look for something else to throw on the fire. There is a box of "OKAY to Cry" brochures. Kevin grabs the box and hurls it into the flames. But much of the boxes contents are blown upward by the updraft caused by the fire. Mr. DeMartino rushes over to Kevin, and restrains him.

Mr. DeMartino: The FIRE is QUITE BIG enough, KEVIN!

But now papers begin to fly around the fire in a circular fashion. The flames corkscrew, and the smoke blows down to the ground, and begins to form a helix. In the twilight, the faces of the children, covered in mud and paint, and illuminated by the flames, take on a surreal look.

Mr. DeMartino looks at the crowd, and the flames, transfixed. The camp pamphlets begin to rain down on the assembled masses. And above it all, stirring the flames and smoke, is the ghostly silhouette of a helicopter. The only sound heard is the WUMP WUMP WUMP of helicopter blades. A loudspeaker booms out a voice from the chopper...

Helicopter: (loud and distorted) PLEASE CONTAIN YOUR FIRE! REPEAT! SUPPRESS YOUR FIRE!

Mr. DeMartino begins hyperventilating! Suddenly, above the roar of the flames, and the helicopter, he falls to his knees and screams!

Mr. DeMartino: I SEE THE ENCAMPMENT! IF I SEE AN AMBUSH, I'll LAY DOWN SUPPRESSING FIRE! IDIOTS! WE HIT SOMETHING! MY GOD! WE'VE FAILED! GOD! I'VE FAILED!

Mr. D's eyes roll up into his head. He falls flat on his face. The campers stand around him, in shock. 

The camera now takes the helicopters point of view, looking down on the fire, the campers, and the still figure below. The chopper continues to hover. The scene closes with the sound of WUMP WUMP WUMP WUMP WUMP.

LA LA LA LA LA.

  
Part 2 


	3. One, two, three. What are we fighting fo...

Apocalypse Then!

One, Two, Three, what are we fighting for?

The next scene is the outside of a small cabin. Jane, Daria and Mr. O'Neill are outside. The door opens, and out steps a small woman. She wears a shirt that proclaims "CAMP NURSE".

Mr. O'Neill: How is he?

Nurse: Pulse and blood pressure normal. Doesn't seem to be a physical problem. Fear reaction. Some sort of mental shock. Excuse me. I have an office full of mosquito bites and marshmallow lip burns to tend to.

She walks away. Mr. O turns to Daria and Jane.

Mr. O'Neill: Please look in on poor Anthony. I have to round up a councilor to watch the children on the beach.

Mr. O'Neill leaves. Jane shrugs her shoulders, and both girls enter the cabin. On a bed on the far side of the room lies Mr. DeMartino. His face twists and contorts. He is muttering...

Mr. DeMartino: Mission. Fire. Boat. River. Failure. God. Complete Failure.

He begins to sob softly. Daria speaks.

Daria: Are you OK, Mr. DeMartino.

Mr. DeMartino opens his eyes.

Mr. DeMartino: Daria. Jane. No. I'm not OK.

He sits up slightly.

Mr. DeMartino: I forgot completely about it. Suppressed the memories. Tried to move on. It's been over 30 years. But the fire. The painted faces. The helicopter. It took me back. Back. Back to my greatest failure.

Daria: Back?

Mr. DeMartino: Back. Back to Vietnam...

* * *

The camera drifts to the roof of the cabin, where a ceiling fan turns. A moment later it pans back down to the bed. Different bed. Different man. Different time.

A much younger Mr. D. lies on a bed in an unkempt room. He is stripped to the waist and sweaty. A whiskey bottle is in his hand. Present day Mr. DeMartino begins to narrate his tale.

Mr. DeMartino: (voice over) It was 1969. Dick Nixon was in office. Men were walking on the moon for the first time. Me? I was in Saigon. 

Mr. DeMartino: (voice over) I was a lieutenant, part of the elite core of army historians. Yes. The army has it's own historians! I remember our motto! Our motto was "When there's battle, we're HISTORY!".

Mr. DeMartino: Heh heh. The army likes to make sure that its version of history is the one that prevails. It dispatched people like me to interview soldiers, to photograph battlefields, to witness battles, to give the army version of history a little positive spin.

The figure on the bed stands and staggers to a window. Swigging out the bottle, Lieutenant DeMartino looks at the view outside. Three helicopters are flying down an airfield outside his room. There is the orange glow of distant fires behind tropical trees.

Mr. DeMartino: (voice over) There wasn't much positive to report that summer. The Tiet offensive had pretty much demoralized our troops. Nixon promised peace, but the bombs kept falling. 

The young Mr. D. drunkenly staggers over from the window, and sits at an old mechanical typewriter.

Mr. DeMartino: (voice over) I had four months left in country. I figured I'd type up my field notes, knock out a draft and call it quits.

The now completely drunk Lieutenant DeMartino falls off his chair, and passes out on the floor. Two officers walk into his room, and look at his collapsed form. They take him by the arms, and carry him out of the room.

Mr. DeMartino: (voice over) That wasn't to be. The brass had a surprise for me.

* * *

Two officers sit at a round table. Lieutenant DeMartino sits with them. He is haggard, unshaven and looks hung-over. One of the officers opens a file folder, and slides it over to the lieutenant.

Officer 1: This man is Colonel Hertz. He has been in country for 5 years.

Officer 2: He deserted in 1967.

Officer 1: He is now in Cambodia. He has established a pacifist movement. 

Officer 2: He regularly broadcasts over the radio. He encourages soldiers on both sides to abandon this war.

Lieutenant DeMartino: Well, arrest him, and court-martial him.

Officer 1: No can do.

Officer 2: He's hidden. His followers protect him. We can't get near him.

Officer 1: But you can.

Lieutenant DeMartino: What? How CAN I GET near HIM if YOU CAN'T?

Officer 2: You're an army historian.

Officer 1: He's looking for a historian to tell his side of the story.

Officer 2: You are known to him.

Officer 1: You interviewed him once after a battle. He respects you.

Officer 2: We feel you can get near him. 

Officer 1: We feel you can...terminate his command.

Lieutenant DeMartino: You want me to KILL HIM!

Officer 2: We didn't say that.

Officer 1: Not at all. Read my lips.

This officer mouths the words KILL HIM.

Officer 2: No one in this man's army would order another soldier to kill one of their own.

Officer 1: Never. Not directly. I think you know what we mean.

Lieutenant DeMartino: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

Officer 2: Terminate his command. With extreme prejudice. Permanently. You know what we mean. Wink. Wink.

Officer 1: Nod, Nod...

* * *

The scene now moves to a motorboat, about the size of a P.T. boat, docked at a pier on a large river. Sampans pass by it in the background. Several figures are silhouetted on the deck.

Mr. DeMartino: (voice over) I was assigned to a Navy P.B.R. , a plastic patrol boat with a crew that would take me to the border of Cambodia. I remember those boys well...

A man is standing in the wheelhouse of the boat. Muscular, and dressed sharply in kakis, he looks just like Mack. 

Mr. DeMartino: (voice over) Captain John Macintyre ran the ship. And there was his crew...

Three soldiers are on the deck, dressed in kakis pants and grimy tee shirts. These three look like the "three J's".

Mr. DeMartino: (voice over) I remember their nicknames. Curly. Chucky. And Cookie.

The captain sticks his head out of the wheelhouse.

Capt. Macintyre: Curly! Check the bilge. Chucky! Get that line!

Jamie look-a-like: I'm Cookie!

Mr. DeMartino: (voice over) And the one we used to call "The Veg".

This soldier looks like Kevin. And acts like him.

Kevin look-a-like: Hey, Big Mac! Is it like time to untie the boat and make it go in the river?

Capt. Macintyre: If you mean, "cast off", yes! AND DON'T CALL ME BIG MAC! Make me sound like a damn hamburger!

The boat is now gracefully moving downriver. "The Veg" has a portable radio. On it is playing the Rolling Stones "Satisfaction". While "The Veg" dances a spastic jig on deck, Lieutenant DeMartino examines the file on Captain Hertz. He is looking at a photo that looks a bit like our old friend, Mr. O'Neill!

Mr. DeMartino: (voice over) I reviewed this Hertz characters file. Drama club, ballet lessons, sensitivity studies, home economics in high school and humanities major in college. I started to wonder why a cream puff like this would ever join the military. He enlisted, and then moved rapidly though the ranks. He probably has a family member in a high place, shepherding him through.

Lieutenant DeMartino continues to flip through the folder, as his older counterpart continues the narration...

Mr. DeMartino: (voice over) I remember interviewing him. It was after a major offensive drive to push the Cong back over the DMZ. He was a captain then. He said his feet hurt, and he just wanted to go home.

The lieutenant removes a cassette tape from the file folder, and puts it in a portable player.

Mr. DeMartino: (voice over) Now he broadcasts nightly, calling for everyone to go home. Got quite a following. Hell, I remember thinking. Is that nuts? My feet hurt. And I wanted to go home.

Lieutenant DeMartino presses the button on the cassette player. On the recording is static over a voice with a heterodyne whistle in the background. The voice also sounds a lot like Mr. O'Neill. 

Mr. O'Neal (static and distortion) We're like snails, crawling on the edge of a knife. We fall into the abyss if we deviate left or right, cut ourselves in two if we continue forward...

Lieutenant DeMartino bangs his head slowly on the wall behind him.

Mr. DeMartino: (voice over) I swear, that summer, you could have cut the weirdness with a knife. It was that thick.

* * *

The boat is now resting at the edge of a rice paddy. Women with the traditional conical hats work knee deep in the water. Lieutenant DeMartino walks from the boat across planks that form a makeshift bridge. Near the edge of a cove of tropical trees at the end of the paddy, sits a shabby building with a tin roof. 

Mr D's narration continues...

Mr. DeMartino: (voice over) We reached the river delta, and had to enter the mouth of the Mekong river to proceed northward towards Cambodia. At that time of year, the delta was too shallow to cross by boat. We would need air transport. 

Entering the building through the front door, he meets the commander of this group. He is shocked to find...

Lieutenant DeMartino: (speaking to an off camera figure) Excuse my shock. It's just surprising to find a woman in charge of a division.

Mr. DeMartino: Her name was Captain Hui. A Chinese woman. She was the commander of...

Of course, this woman looks like none other than our own Ms. Li. She appears on camera and begins speaking.

Captain Hui: This is the 132 Propaganda Corps. Due to the sexist policies of the United States, and the US Army, women are not allowed to perform roles that might involve actual combat. I trust the Equal Rights Amendment, when it is finally passed into law, will finally give women their God given right to fight and die in futile conflicts such as this one! Hoo HOO!

Captain Hui walks toward a window, and gestures out to the countryside outside it.

Captain Hui: Due to my expertise in both Chinese and Vietnamese, my non-combat role is the dissemination of anti-Communist, pro-American pamphlets, posters and radio broadcasts! Your army merely takes the life of the enemy! My corps takes their hearts and souls!

There is a shot of the boat tied to the makeshift dock. "Veg" dances and sings on the deck of the boat, playing the "Rolling Stones" on a portable radio. 

Mr. DeMartino: (voice over) Captain Hui asked if I wanted to join them on an operation into an enemy stronghold near the mouth of the Mekong. Given my choice was to join her, or remain behind and be entertained by "the Veg" lip-syncing "Brown Sugar", my decision was immediate...

Six helicopters are now seen flying in formation low over the marshes and rice paddies. As the choppers approach a forest of tropical trees, the cameras point of view changes to the inside of the lead aircraft. There, dressed in combat fatigues, and hanging on internal netting near the open side doors of the helicopter hunker Lieutenant DeMartino and Captain Hui. As the gun ships approach the jungle below, Captain Hui operates an amplifier. Out of the loudspeakers mounted on the base of the lead chopper blares out Richard Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries". Captain Hui explains her choice of music.

Captain Hui: This is to let the enemy know who's coming. I like to think of this piece of music as our "jingle"!

The music has an effect on the population below. On the ground, people are running for cover. Captain Hui makes a hand signal to the pilot. Two tubes on the side of several of the chopper's begin blowing out thousands of propaganda pamphlets on the scattering population below. 

One of the chopper's land, and two men rush out towards several buildings, revealed inside the forest. They start to put up posters with Chinese and Vietnamese characters on them. A woman in a conical hat runs over to the chopper screaming in her native language at the occupants inside. A man in the doorway screams back. The woman raises her hand, exposing a cylinder. The solders outside the chopper fall to the ground and take cover. The helicopter door slams closed.

The woman starts to paint on the side of the helicopter, revealing the cylinder to be a can of spray paint. She scrawls the words "GO HOME" on the side of the chopper. The side door opens. The woman sprays the soldier that begins to exit with paint. The soldier gasps, as his face and hands are covered in dripping red paint. Captain Hui, viewing all this from above, calls to her pilot over a microphone in her headset.

Captain Hui: DAMMIT! Get her! Get her! Ram the strut up her butt!

Captain Hui picks up a box of pamphlets and throws it out of the door. On the ground, the chopper passes over the running woman. The box hits her. She goes down in a cloud of propaganda as the pamphlets fly in a ring around her. In the background, Wagner's music continues to play.

At the close of the propaganda battle, the choppers have landed, and Captain Hui surveys the battlefield. Thousands of pamphlets litter the earth, drifting like so much snow. With Lieutenant DeMartino following her, Captain Hui observes a enemy soldier writhing in pain on the ground. One of her men explains...

Soldier (to Captain Hui) Paper cuts. Hundreds of them.

Captain Hui kneels over the man.

Captain Hui: My God. This man is managing his injuries with dignity. Even though he's a godless commie scum, I'm willing to share my mercurochrome with this man!

She leans over with a small bottle. At that moment, loudspeakers in the jungle begin to blare out. Captain Hui turns, taking the mercurochrome bottle away from the wounded man. He reaches out, misses, and collapses in agony. Hui is enraged by what she's hearing coming from the jungle...

Voice from Jungle: (distorted) Yankee Go Home! Die, American Pigs!

Captain Hui: Damn competition! 

She takes out a walkie-talkie.

Captain Hui: 543. Send a rebuttal into yon forest.

Radio: (distorted) Roger that.

Two choppers fly over the patch of jungle. One fires rounds of machine gun fire into the woods, silencing the loudspeakers. Another drops tons of propaganda pamphlets into the jungle. Captain Hui turns to Lieutenant DeMartino. 

  
Captain Hui: I love the smell of printers ink in the morning. One time we had a hill bombed with paper for over 12 hours. I walked up it when it was all over; we didn't find one of 'em ... not one stinking body. They where all papered over! And the smell -- that inky smell -- the whole hill - it smelled...like...(pause) victory...

Hui looks off wistfully.

Lieutenant DeMartino: You know, some day this war's gonna end...

Captain Hui: (sadly) Yes, I know.

Lieutenant DeMartino looks behind him. A huge helicopter is hauling their boat over the marsh and drops it unceremoniously into the river. Other choppers arrive with Mac and his crew.

As evening approaches, steaks are sizzling on barbeques and beer is being distributed to all of Hui's people. Mr. DeMartino resumes his narration.

Mr. DeMartino: (voice over) Every night, the captain would have steak and beer for her troops, to make them feel less homesick. She'd charge each one of them a buck fifty, but since the army provided the food 'n' beer my best guess was she just pocketed that money. I thought I'd seen the last of that kind of administrator when the war ended.

Mr. DeMartino: (voice over) (sigh) Guess I was wrong about that.

* * *

Lieutenant DeMartino and his crew are boarding their vessel. The crew carries several boxes of paper. The boat puts off into the river.

Lietenant DeMartino sits in the rear of the boat, as the P.B.R. motors upriver. He is reviewing the file on Colonel Hertz...

Mr. DeMartino: (voice over) Captain Hui gave us several boxes of propaganda to pass out on our way to Cambodia. Here I was, going to "terminate the command" of a guy who just wanted out, while maniacs like Captain Hui run around pretending to win over the "hearts and minds" of the people in this country. Well, I figured, I'll just do my job, and I'll get out. Of course, there were forces arrayed to stop me...

The boat is now shown at a makeshift dock. A military style base, with quonset huts, tents and crude metal sheds is in the background. The sky is beginning to darken. Huge tanks of fuel stand on shore. Captain Macintyre supervises two men refueling of his vessel. His crew lounges on deck.

Mr. DeMartino: (voice over) We stopped at a US base midway up the river to refuel. It was there we were hit first...

Soldiers on shore begin to call out to the boat. The sound of a helicopter is heard approaching.

Soldiers on shore: You guys! Come on! RUN! RUN! They're coming!

Lieutenant DeMartino grabs his gun. The "three C's" run off the boat and into the dark. The soldiers fueling the ship drop their hoses and run. Captain Macintyre calmly lifts the hose, and takes on the job of fueling himself. Lieutenant DeMartino looks at him.

Lieutenant DeMartino: What is going on? Is it an attack?

Captain Macintyre: No. USO show.

There is a giant raised stage in the middle of the camp. Huge lights illuminate it. A chopper has just landed in the center, its blades still turning. Thousands of screaming men surround the stage, with only a makeshift fence holding them back. A man in an army dress uniform jumps off the aircraft and takes a microphone. He looks real familiar...

Upchuck look-alike: Gentlemen! For your entertainment, I bring you a bevy of beauties from stateside! Give it up for our sexy teen cowgirls, MANDY!

A Sandi look-alike steps from the chopper, dressed in a fringed leather bikini and white holster with silver guns.

Upchuck look-alike: TRACI!

A Stacy clone, dressed like Mandy appears.

Upchuck look-alike: TIMPANI!

A Tiffany clone materializes.

Upchuck look-alike: And SINN!

Quinn's doppleganger rounds out the quartet. The loudspeakers begin to blare out the song "SUZY Q!". The Fashion clones begin to gyrate and dance. Sandi takes out her silver guns and pretends to shoot in the air. The crowd hoots and whistles! The girls smile into the crowd, but speak to each other as they cross paths on the stage.

Timpani: My...hair...is...getting...all...frizzy.

Mandy: It's so hot and humid. Next time, we demand an air-conditioned jungle!

The soldier's testosterone levels begin to surge. They collectively tear down the fence, and begin to approach the stage. There are only a few M.P.'s to hold them back. The girls come together on stage.

Mandy: Loooks like we should be prepared to be accosted and groped by a bunch of sex starved guys. 

Timpani: It's...our...patriotic...duty.

Mandy looks at Traci, who is straightening out her costume. She asks Mandy...

Traci: Is my lipstick on straight?

Traci closes her eyes in anticipation. Timpani discovers a reflective metal plate on one of the missile launchers mounted on the chopper, and is trying to put on eye liner. Mandy stands patiently, waiting for the crush of her admirers. None appear.

Mandy turns and looks at Sinn. The soldiers are lined up in front of her. And in the very front stand the "three C's".

Chucky: Hi, Sinn! My names Chucky!

Cookie: I'm Cookie!

Curly: I'm Curly!

Chucky: I wouldn't want you to do anything you don't want to, but the door to the laundry hut is open, and I wondered if...

Cookie: She can't go with you. She's with me!

Curly: Yea? Who said? 

The boys begin to fight amoung themselves, as other soldiers push forward and clamor for Sinn's attention. 

Mandy is hot with jealousy. She takes her silver guns and points them at Sinn. She pulls the triggers, and only gets a "click, click, click". The Upchuck clone approaches her.

Upchuck clone: Babe! Those guns don't really work. But I have a great big one that does! Grrrrrr.

Mandy: Good. Thanks.

Mindy grabs the Upchuck clones sidearm from his holster before he can stop her. She aims wildly in Sinn's direction and begins firing. She misses repeatedly. 

Chunks of wood splinter up from the stage from where the bullets impact. The pop, pop of the gun gets the crowds attention.

Someone in crowd: WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!

Someone in the crowd sends a spray of automatic gunfire into the sky. The soldiers now surge up on stage, trying to protect (and grope) Sinn. Sinn dances out of their collective grasp and runs to the helicopter. The Upchuck clone rounds up Mandy, Timpani and Traci and herds them on board the aircraft. He yells to the pilot, and slams the side door shut.

The helicopter props spin, sending a cloud of dust into the crowd, pushing back all but the most determined.

And as the chopper ascends, we see a most determined "three C's" suspended from the struts. Two hang directly from the chopper, while Cookie hangs from Curly's legs. They cry out...

Curly: Sinn! Where do you live?

Chucky: What's your phone number?

Cookie: You maybe got a sister?

Lieutenant DeMartino and Captain Macintyre stand by their vessel, watching as their crew dangle from the chopper. The pilot is trying to shake them off. Cookie is pulling Curly's pants down. Mac rolls his eyes, and Lieutenant DeMartino puts his hand on his face, and shakes his head.

As the scene closes, the "three C's" hang precariously from the chopper in the dark blue night sky. Spotlights sweep across them. Dust and smoke churned by the helicopter form a helix around them. 

We fade to a LA LA LA LA LA. 


	4. When Tony comes marching home...

Apocalypse Then! 

When Tony comes marching home!  
  
The last segment of the show begins back in Mr. DeMartino's room at the "OKAY to Cry Corral". Daria and Jane have found chairs and are sitting at the foot of the bed. Daria speaks.

Daria: Are we coming to the part where Marlin Brando shows up?

Jane: Shhh! Don't spoil it for me. I haven't seen the movie.

Mr. DeMartino: I know you girls are having a problem believing me. I happen to know that my story contains eerie similarities with a certain movie. I actually once paid a lawyer to see if he could get Francis Ford Coppola to cough up some royalties, but that's another story!

Mr. DeMartino: Now, to finish, after peeling my crew off the pavement and restocking our boat, we were once again on our way to Cambodia... 

* * *

The scene opens with the boat moving slowly upriver. Captain Macintyre stands in the wheelhouse; the "Veg" slouches off next to a turret-mounted machine gun. Lieutenant DeMartino squats on the bow. The "three C's" slack off behind him.

A small craft, a sampan, made of reeds, is poled toward the P.B.R. by three young women in conical hats. Two women look up, and expose their faces. They look like Daria and Jane. Their faces are altered slightly to make them look Asian. Another woman poles the raft. She looks up, and is revealed to be a Vietnamese version of Andrea.

The Jane clone speaks in Vietnamese to the Daria look-alike. Subtitles in English provide the audience with a translation.

Jane look-a-like:(subtitle) We got a crummy territory.

Daria look-a-like: (subtitle) There's a war on. There are no good territories.

The Jane look-a-like sees the Navy vessel.

Jane look-a-like: (subtitle) There's a potential customer now.

Daria look-a-like:(subtitle) Customers with automatic weapons are very hard sells.

Jane look-a-like:(subtitle) Nonsense! Watch my pitch.

Jane hollers over to the P.B.R. in Vietnamese.

Jane look-a-like: (cups hands over mouth and shouts) (subtitle) Hello, American imperialists running dog lackeys! We're having a fundraiser for Ho Chi Min High! 

The Americans look at the women in the sampan.

Daria look-a-like: (subtitle) You might wish to restate that...

Jane look-a-like: (cups hands over mouth and shouts) (subtitle) All funds will go to providing our championship death squad with cool new black uniforms!

Daria look-a-like:(subtitle) Huh…too much information...

The Jane look-a-like has the American's attention now. Lieutenant DeMartino cocks his firearm. The rest of the crew regards them with suspicion.

Jane look-a-like: (subtitle) Wait until I show them the merchandise!

Daria look-a-like:(subtitle) Let's not...

Too late. The sampan has drifted close to the American vessel. The Jane look-a-like holds up a round gray object…

Jane look-alike: (shouts) (subtitle) We're selling turnips! At popular prices!

A jumpy Curly looks at her hand.

Curly: GET DOWN! SHE'S GOT A GRENADE!

The "three C's" scurry for cover. Captain Macintyre drops down inside the wheelhouse. Lieutenant DeMartino rolls behind a coil of rope.

Only the "Veg" remains standing. He jumps to the machine gun turret.

Veg: I got 'em!

He begins firing! Bullets plunk in the river! The occupants of the sampan dive for cover. Veg swings the machine gun around wildly! Branches and leaves on the trees lining the shore are chopped up and fall. Bullets strike the deck of the P.B.R.

The machine gun is empty. Veg stops. The crew stands to survey the damage.

The three women in the sampan stand up, uninjured. Their boat is intact.

The same cannot be said about the American vessel. The wheelhouse looks like Swiss cheese! With a crack, the roof falls in on an angry Captain Macintyre. He stands up, covered with debris.

The sampan is abreast with the American ship. The Daria look-a-like speaks.

Daria look-a-like:(subtitle) I knew it. Turnip haters!

Captain Macintyre has out a Vietnamese to English dictionary. He proclaims…

Captain Macintyre: They're just trying to sell us some turnips! 

Cookie: Maybe we should buy some! I could boil them and...

A red-faced Lieutenant DeMartino marches up behind Cookie. He has a heavy box of propaganda in his hands.

Lieutenant DeMartino: This is all they're getting! (he shouts over the side of the boat) THIS IS FOR YOUR HEARTS AND MINDS!

He throws the box intact into the sampan. It falls through the bottom of the smaller vessel. The sampan sinks. The Andrea look-a-like speaks in Vietnamese before her head disappears into the river. A subtitle captures the sentiment.

Andrea look-a-like: (subtitle) Shit!

The three women come to the surface. They begin swimming for the shore.

We now see Captain Macintyre and Lieutenant DeMartino arguing with each other. Mr. DeMartino provides a voice over.

Mr. DeMartino: (voice over) The captain and I fought after that over who had final authority on that vessel. Captain Macintyre declared that I would be dropped off at the border of Cambodia, and could make my own way in country. God, here we where, in hostile territory and these guys are acting like they're in the produce section of a supermarket. I told him "We were at war! There is going to be no aisle clean up if we drop our turnips here!"

* * *

The scene changes to a dark view of the river. The jungle on both sides of the river is silhouetted in black across a dark blue sky. Crossing the river is a string of lights. A crude bridge, badly damaged, is seen in the dim light.

The boat docks at an abandoned slip. Lieutenant DeMartino steps off the boat. There is a persistent popping of guns, rockets and flares being fired over the river, the sceams of people, and loudspeakers speaking English with Vietnamese accents.

Loudspeakers: WE KILL YOU ALL! YANKEE YOU GO HOME!

Shots in the distance temporaraly silence the loudspeakers. These resume again in the background.

Mr. DeMartino: (voice over) We reached the last American base before the Cambodian border. We were supposed to refuel, but the docks were abandoned. I went ashore to find fuel and supplies.

Mr. DeMartino: (voice over) What I found was chaos. This base had little more than a toehold on the frontier. It probably looked good on some general's map, but what I found was an unsupported enclave deep inside enemy territory.

Lieutenant DeMartino walks inside a trench. There, in a makeshift tin shack, is a man who looks remarkably like Jake. He acts like him too. The Jake look-a-like pleads into a walkie-talkie.

Jake look-a-like: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THE VC BLEW UP THE BRIDGE! DAMMIT! THEY'VE BEEN BLOWING IT UP EVERY NIGHT SINCE WE GOT HERE! GET A CREW TOGETHER AND PUT IT BACK UP! 

There is gunfire in the distance. Jake screams into the walkie-talkie.

Jake look-a-like: HELLO? HELLO?

He throws the walkie-talkie into the mud! Lieutenant DeMartino looks on with increasing frustration. Jake seems oblivious to his presence.

Jake look-a-like: OH GREAT! JUST GREAT! DAMMIT! WHY DID I LISTEN TO THE GENERAL! 

Jake begins to mock the general.

Jake look-a-like: (in his childish, mocking voice) Well, Colonel DorganMorffer! We have a GREAT assignment for you! You get be CO of our outermost POST! You get to be the BIG hero! This will look good come promotion time!

Jake continues his rave.

Jake look-a-like: SO HERE I AM, WITH NO SUPPORT WHATSOEVER! I GET TO HOLD THE BRIDGE! I GET TO REBUILD IT EVERYDAY! THE VC GET TO BLOW IT UP EVERY NIGHT!

He kicks a still body next to him, which slowly rises to reveal a sleepy version of Trent, in a muddy uniform. Colonel DorganMorffer yells at him.

Jake look-a-like: Corporal Bane! HAVE YOU CONTACTED HQ WITH OUR CURRENT STATUS!

The Trent clone looks at him sleepily.

Trent clone: The head nurse is using the field phone to order more of those sleeping pills. We seem to keep running out.

The Trent clone doen't seem to need them. He resumes his nap. An irate Jake look-a-like walks over to a tent marked with a Red Cross. Lieutenant DeMartino follows, unnoticed, just behind him. Jake opens the flap. A Helen clone walks back and forth with a field phone under her ear. She holds the phone box by the handle in one hand. The Helen clone is talking to somebody far away.

Helen clone: Ohhhh yes, Dr. Schrecter! Oh, OK, Aaron. Why of course I remember you! You were at the Saigon conference. You gave a speech. (pause) Why no, you weren't boring at all! I have always been fascinated with army medical procurement procedures! Why, yes! (she blushes) Oh, Aaron!

In the background, a knife starts to slit through the back of the tent. Silhouetted on the back of the tent is a sinister shadow. The figure catches this Helen's attention.

Helen clone: Oh, Aaron. Just a moment.

Helen clamps the phone between her head and shoulder, pulls out a service revolver, and fires three shots into the back of the tent. A VC regular falls through the slit he was cutting. 

Helen holsters the gun, takes the phone in her hand, and is about to resume her conversation when she sees Jake.

Helen clone: What the hell do you want?

The Jake look-a-like gulps.

Jake clone: Oh, nothing. NOTHING!

Helen resumes her conversation. Jake closes the tent flap, turns and runs right into Lieutenant DeMartino. The Lieutenant speaks.

Lieutenant DeMartino: Who is in charge here?

Jake looks at the Lieutenant DeMartino. He is near tears.

Jake clone: I was hoping you'd say you where!

* * *

The scene returns to the boat tied at the dock. Lieutenant DeMartino arrives, with two large cans of diesel fuel in his hands. He climbs on board, and speaks to the captain.

Lieutenant DeMartino: Let's go. There's nothing more for us here.

The boat begins to chug upstream. A figure jumps in the water with a suitcase. He attempts to swim over and take hold of the boat. It's the Jake look-a-like.

Jake clone: Guys! TAKE ME WITH YOU!!! PLEASE!!! I'LL GIVE YOU ANYTHING!! PLEASE! PLEASE!

The current is sweeping Jake behind the vessel. His voice recedes.

Jake clone: STOP! OH, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE STOP!

Both the captain and lieutenant look off the stern of the boat. The scene closes with distant explosions, gunfire and Jake's fading voice. Mr. DeMartino once again narrates...

Mr. DeMartino: (voice over) Unfortunately, my mission would not be accomplished without casualties, without sacrifice...

* * *

The scene dissolves to a shot of the P.B.R. on the river once again. Its bow has been pulled onto shore. Captain Macintyre stands in the tattered remains of the wheelhouse. Lieutenant DeMartino stands guard with his M15 rifle, cigarette hanging from his lips. He looks with disgust at "Veg" dancing around the deck with his radio clamped to his ear, the Rolling Stones "Midnight Rambler" barely audible over the jungle sounds.

Cutting through the jungle are Curly, Chucky and Cookie. Each holds a pail. Cookie pushes branches out of his way, and leads the pack.

Curly: What are we looking for?

Cookie: Mangos. Captain wants mangos. He tired of SPAM.

Chucky: You know what a mango looks like?

Cookie: Sure. I'm a chief, back in the states. Come from a long like of chiefs. 

Chucky: I don't like this jungle.

Cookie: It's OK. Just as long as there're no tigers. Hate tigers. Scared all my life of them. We all got a fear like that. Right? What's yours?

There is silence. The camera is on Cookie. He asks again.

Cookie: Chucky? Curly? Hey guys...

He turns around, and looks in horrified silence, eyes wide.

The scene returns to the boat. There are gunshots in the jungle. Lieutenant DeMartino stands, firearm at the ready. Captain Mac pulls out a rifle. Veg remains oblivious.

Cookie runs from the jungle, firing with a pistol behind him. He jumps on the boat.

Cookie: GO! GO! GO!

Captain Macintyre: Where's Chucky and Curly? Why are they late?

Cookie: They're not late.

Captain Macintyre: IF THEY ARE NOT LATE, WHAT ARE THEY?

A huge tiger emerges from the jungle. It licks its chops.

Cookie: Lunch?

Captain Macintyre runs to the wheelhouse, and pulls back on the engine throttles. The boat pulls into the river. He idles the motors, and steps out on the deck. Cookie is muttering to himself...

Cookie: Mangoes? There as a frigging tiger in the woods -- I could've been eaten alive. I'm never going into that jungle again. I gotta remember never get out of the boat; never get outta the boat.

Captain Macintyre: JESUS! THIS MISSION IS A DISASTER! HOW COULD THINGS GET ANY WORST?

Thousands of spears begin to be hurled from the jungle from both sides of the boat. These chris-cross the vessel. Everybody hits the deck, except Veg, who still dances around, oblivious to everything. Spears whistle by him. Mac lunges for the engine controls, and speeds the vessel out of harms way. He idles the boat, and steps out of the wheelhouse. Everyone stands. 

Captain Macintyre has a spear in his chest. A red stain expands across his shirt. He looks at Lieutenant DeMartino, grabs him by the throat, and begins to strangle him.

Captain Macintyre: YOU! YOUR DAMN MISSION! YOU!

His grip weakens. Captain Macintyre releases his grip, and falls to the deck, dead. Lieutenant DeMartino holds his throat and gasps. The "Veg" comes out of his coma, and looks at his fallen captain.

Veg: Hey, funny. He said, how could things get worst...

Lieutenant DeMartino grabs the Kevin clone by the throat...

Lieutenant DeMartino: YOU! DAMN IDIOT!

The scene closes with the Veg being strangled, while Cookie curls up on the deck and chants his new mantra of "Don't get off the boat. Don't get off the boat". 

* * *

It is now dark. A silhouette of the boat is seen chugging up the river. Mr. D's narration continues...

Mr. DeMartino: (voice over) I was now in undisputed command of the vessel. Within a day, we had passed into Cambodia. 

Lieutenant DeMartino stands in the remains of the wheelhouse with his Colonel Hertz folder. He removes an envelope.  
  
I now read my sealed orders. When I had confirmed the location of Hertz's compound, I was to radio the coordinates to a team who would bring down an air strike, destroying Hertz and all who followed him. I burned my orders, and the dossier on Hertz...

Flames come out of a drum on the rear of the boat. Lieutenant D. scans the river ahead with binoculars.

Mr. DeMartino: (voice over) Hertz broadcast each night. Each night, the signal on the radio got stronger. We were close. Then, I saw it. His compound. Hertz's compound...

Through the lens of the binoculars we see a bonfire. People stripped to the waist dance around it. Colored lights are strung throughout the compound. Lieutenant DeMartino turns to his two remaining crew.

Lieutenant DeMartino: You guys bring the boat in slowly, quietly. Watch for obstacles in the water. I see the encampment! If I see an ambush, I'll lay down suppressing fire...

Lieutenant DeMartino takes his gun, and moves to the bow of the boat. "Veg" and cookie stand at the helm.

Cookie: You heard him. Veg, watch the river for rocks and stuff.

Veg: He wanted me to drive. You go look.

Cookie: No way. I'm running this boat...

They struggle for the controls. In the fight they manage to push the throttles full forward. The engines roar! The boat charges at high speed into a rock. The boat impacts the rock. The bottom of the boat tears off, and it sinks.

Lieutenant D. is thrown into the water. His head bobs up.

Lieutenant DeMartino: IDIOTS! WE HIT SOMETHING! 

He goes under, being pulled downstream by the current. His head emerges again.

Lieutenant DeMartino: MY GOD! WE'VE FAILED! 

He goes under again. He comes up, further downstream. The Hertz compound is receding into the distance.

Lieutenant DeMartino: GOD! I'VE FAILED!

He goes under. The river is calm. No boat. No crew. Only the bonfire, flickering in the distance...

* * *

The screen blurs, and we are returned to the here and now of Mr. DeMartino's room at the "OKAY to Cry Corral" summer camp. Mr. D. looks at Daria and Jane.

Mr. DeMartino: Cookie and Veg where never found again. My legs were broken. I drifted downriver, holding on to debris. I was pulled out, leech covered and infected from the filthy water just at the Cambodian border, and sent to a Saigon hospital.

Mr. DeMartino: I was delirious with fever for months. By the time I recovered, I was already stateside. Already home. And in my delirium, I relived those last moments. Those moments of my greatest failure!

Daria: But, it wasn't your fault.

Mr. DeMartino: I know. But I feel the guilt for the people who died. It's a soldiers guilt. I still feel the pain, the shame and anguish of a job left undone, a mission not completed, an order not carried out.

Mr. DeMartino pulls off his covers. He is dressed in black pajamas. 

Mr. DeMartino: Thank you girls for listening. I feel better now. Please go. I'll be OK. Really.

Daria and Jane look at each other, and quietly file out of the room. Mr. D. stands.

* * *

Daria and Jane exit the cabin. Outside, the sky is dark. A light drizzle is falling, enough to dampen tee shirts, but not the spirits or the fire of the mob outside. All the children are wet, and dark with mud.

In a clearing, three kids are gathered. One of them is Link. He has a soccer ball. He is drawing on it with a felt tip pen.

Kid 1: Hey, who's your cabin councilor?

Kid 2: (imitating Jamie) I'MMM not Jeffie! I'MMMM JAMIE!

Link: (imitating Jeffie) I'm Jeffie!

He holds up the ball. On it is a perfect caricature of Jeffie's face. The other kids laugh.

Kid 1: That's great! Send "Jeffie" over here!

Link kicks the soccer ball to him. Laughing, they kick the ball between themselves.

Mr. D. exits his cabin, and walks to the side of it. He sits on a log, and looking around him to make sure no one sees him, and then takes out a cigarette. He lights it, puffs, and tilts his head back into the lightly falling rain.

Link kicks his "Jeffie" ball. It bounces in the mud, hits a tree, and flies to the side of Mr. D's cabin. The muddy ball lands in his lap.

Mr. DeMartino looks down. The "Jeffie" face looks up, like a decapitated head. There is a close-up of Mr. D's face. He is screaming loudly.

* * *

  
Mr. O'Neill stands by a window next to the public address system. He looks with concern at the rain, and at the clock that reads 11. He turns on the microphone. The speakers in the compound ring out with his voice.

Mr. O'Neill: Oh, campers. It's time for bed. I know you are all excited, but it is getting wet, and we don't want to get sick, do we. While you return to your cabin, I will read tonight's "Affirmation". Tonight's is entitled "Living in the Moment"!

Mr. O'Neill: (distorted, over camp loudspeakers) Living only for this moment, with the intention of making it the fullest moment possible, will help you to achieve a better quality of life...

Mr. O's voice echoes through the camp. The campers, who continue to feed the fire and cavort wildly around it, ignore him. Kevin and the "three J's" are seen, shirtless, faces painted and covered in mud, weaving to a primitive beat heard only by them.

Mr. O'Neill: (distorted, over loudspeakers) There are many things that we think about in a minute of time. We see our new experiences through glasses that have been molded by our old experiences.

In a cabin, Jane is seen assembling a piece of Neo Industrial Post Mortem Modern Auto Part Found Art. She puts down a screwdriver, and reaches for a CD player and speakers she has set up on her workbench.

Guitar music from the group "The Doors" is heard. It becomes the soundtrack. It begins to drown out Mr. O'Neill's monologue...

Down at the shoreline, the drizzle is causing a layer of fog to form over the lake. The camera zooms in on the ranger boat. A head pops up from over the side of the boat. It's Mr. DeMartino. His face is covered by black grease. As he slides over the side of the boat into the lake, we see he has stripped to the waist, and the rest of his body is also covered with grease. He holds an object in one of his hands.

Mr. O'Neill: (distorted, over loudspeakers) We look to the future with uncertainty, hopes, fears, and excitement, and we tend to take things for granted if we are not fully focused on experiencing life in the current moment.

Near the shoreline, Mr. D's head pops out of the water. He is nearly invisible in the reeds in the lake. The guitar music grows louder.

Mr. O'Neill: (distorted, through loudspeakers) We need to learn to savor every moment as it happens, keeping our minds completely in the present, as much as possible.

"The Doors" background music becomes louder. Mr. D. now slinking through the bushes towards a cabin. In his hand, he holds a machete!

Mr. O'Neill: (distorted, through loudspeakers) This is not easy, but the payoffs are tremendous.

Mr. O. is barely audible over the background music. Mr. DeMartino enters a side door. His shadow appears on the wall. In a corner of the room stands Mr. O'Neill. He continues to speak...

Mr. O'Neill: Life is made up of successive current moments, and a great thing you can do for yourself and people you love, is to slow down and pay attention to what is happening for you, right now.

Mr. DeMartino rears up behind Mr. O'Neill. He raises his machete, and strikes! 

On the wall, the shadow of Mr. DeMartino and his weapon slash down on a shadow of Mr. O'Neill. Mr. O'Neill falls. Mr. DeMartino continues to slash. The guitar music reaches a crescendo!

Outside, the slashing and chopping sounds ring out of the loudspeakers throughout the camp. The campers all fall silent.

Inside, a final blow on the podium slashes the microphone wire. There is a hum through the camp for an instant, then silence.

Ms. Barch enters the cabin. She looks, horrified at Mr. DeMartino, on the floor at Mr. O'Neill, and at what has been done. She falls to her knees in shock.

Mr. DeMartino walks out the front door. He stares at the now silent and still campers. Only the crackle of the flames and the sound of insects can be heard.

Ms. Barch slowly crawls over to Mr. O'Neill. He is alive, and uninjured. He is terrified, lying on the floor in a fetal position. His eyes are wide with terror. Cut up in pieces all around him is his book of "Affirmations". Pieces continue to fall from the hacked podium.

Ms. Barch shakes the frightened Mr. O.

Ms. Barch: (in a whisper) Skinny! Are you all right?

Timmy looks out into space with a hollow stare.

Mr. O'Neill: (in a raspy voice) ...the horror...the horror.

Mr. DeMartino stares at the assembled campers outside the door of the cabin. They stare back in silence. He discards his machete. He walks into the crowd. The campers part as he approaches. 

In the middle of the crowd, he sees Kevin, painted and muddy and spaced out. He takes him by the hand. Mr. DeMartino leads Kevin like a child, to the docks.

Kevin and Mr. DeMartino step into the ranger boat. Mr. D. fires up the motor. The boat backs away into the mist, into the middle of the lake.

The boat moves away from the camp in a slow idle, engine barely audible. The radio on board crackles to life.

Radio: (distorted) Ranger 72 Bravo this is Tower 12. Ranger 72 Bravo Respond. Repeat, Ranger 72 Bravo. Respond.

Mr. DeMartino snaps off the radio.

Kevin: Mr. D. why did you turn off...

Mr. DeMartino: Quiet Kevin. I'm living the moment...

Mr. DeMartino's face looks serene. The boat slowly motors away from camp, losing itself in the fog. The campfire continues to flicker in the distance. 

The End.


End file.
